there's paper in my vomit.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
