i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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