who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
