remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
