haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
