"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
