holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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