You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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