he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
