when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
