So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
