when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
