My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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