im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
