I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
