I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
