hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Randomize
