She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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