i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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