He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
