how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
