I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
