Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
