I think im going to throw up on grandma
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
