as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
