when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
