Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
