sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
