id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
