I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
