My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
