That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
