in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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