she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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