Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
