theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Let's paint friendship bongs
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
