Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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