So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
