i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
