Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
