break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
