first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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