I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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