if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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