I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She's the barista slut.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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