i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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