This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
