the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
