Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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