Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
