Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
