I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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