This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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